Too Easy

If there's one thing that stops this heinous blog in its tracks, it's the revelation 25% of Tasmanian property sales in the last quarter were to mainland buyers. Tasmania's property boom, which was retardedly called a 'mini-boom' in The Advocate recently (WTF is that?), was kicked off by mainland weasels looking for cheap properties to hoover up, do absolutely no maintenance to, fill with a mendicant tenant - aided by rental assistance - and watch the capital gains go boom boom boom.

It was an easy gig and little more than a rigid black shaft stuffed in Tasmania's nubile buttocks. Locals who wanted to buy a house were competing with mainlanders buying sight unseen on double and triple the wages earned by the local. The local, until the past eight years, was used to houses that went up, sideways and back, then sideways again before going back. They knew of houses as a place to live first and an investment that you could count on... well never. Then suddenly, houses sold within hours of being listed and the gains were endless - again, until now.  

Tasmania's economy is in the crapper and is ripe for the vultures once again, jobs are disappearing, the government is lying, electricity prices are forcing the poor and elderly to burn their fences for warmth - and that's not a joke. It makes you wonder, if so much money hadn't been pissed away on property and the debt and ongoing interest it takes to secure one, how much purchasing power would be in the average Tasmanian's pocket right now? The wealth effect works both ways - up and down, and possibly it's better if it never kicked off to begin with. Maybe the average Tasmanian could stand that electricity hike and still have money to spend at the local store, keeping a job alive. But we were blessed with the treacherous turds known as real estate agents, people who if they can't secure a sale will begin to case out mainlanders to flog property to.

As the lack of sales begins to bite hard, any commission is a good one and Launceston is currently under attack from mainland vultures. And while it scared me for a short period of time - was I contributing to the buying up of my community by parasites and was this blog beginning to become an easy reference tool? Maybe not, because the economic turmoil has only just begun. Tasmania is fucked - good and proper. We're back to the dark old days and for every property investor who slithers into the state looking for a good deal at half the price of a mainland centre, that's another property investor looking to have their arse handed to them.

It's cheap and it's getting cheaper by the day, but it's no longer easy. And that's the point that should give the non house owning locals comfort - if you can count on a job, the houses are coming to you, regardless of what the wannabe Trumps from the big island do. Unfortunately, two sawmills are on the brink. If Gunns doesn't find a buyer for each of them by June 30, it's over. Another another wad of jobs flushed and the status of mortgage payments uncertain.

We should only encourage property investors into this environment, they deserve to lose and lose hard. Rental vacancies are a sham, the market is elastic and hundreds of previous rentals are now sitting in the for sale section - empty.  

Cleaning the bird cage last week, I had to toss a soiled section of the local real estate guide. As it happened, right there, covered in bird crap, was a joint by some numpty from the REIT. Like I said his name was obscured by turd, but does it really matter what the names are? By this stage it's nothing more than a property borg - a reprehensible combination of the worst parts of Joye, Enzo and Bouris, thrown in a blender, tossed in a slow cooker and then spilt on your floor, so acidic in nature it munches your floorboards before disappearing into the earth looking for its true home, in hell.

What did Mr REIT have to say for himself? Just the usual, "what the hell is the government doing for the first home buyer/ why can't they access their superannuation?" Somehow falling house prices aren't any use to the Tasmanian first home buyer, they need ever rising house prices and more government money for the most meagre of deposits because real money down and a manageable loan would be just too easy.