Dumbass of the Decade

2525 East OCEAN Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90803
Wishing Price: $2,799,999
Beds: 4
Baths: 4
Sq. Ft.: 4,100
$/Sq. Ft.: $683 (!)
Year Built: 1953
Community: Belmont Heights/Alamitos Heights
MLS#: P725816
On Redfin: 73 days
Down Payment: $700,000 (25%)
Income Requirement: $600,000 (mortgage/3.5x)/$800,000 (home price/3.5x)
Monthly Nut: $15,000 (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
Description: One of a kind location. Mid Century designed by Shelly & Merchant. Located on Ocean in Bluff Park with Catalina and Ocean Views. Unobstructed and panoramic views of the Queen Mary down to Huntington Beach. Private interior courtyard, plus a game room with fire pit and electric fireplace. Game room opens to the back yard with room for a pool This is a great home for entertaining with most of the original charachter in place. There are 3 fireplaces; located in the living room, master bedroom and upstairs den. There is a bedroom and bath downstairs and a full laundry room/craft room/ breakfast room off the kitchen. Perfect space for in-laws, maid or nanny. Regular Sale, owner may carry with 25% down.

Want to see something amazing?

Mar 12, 2010 - Listed $2,799,999
Jan 08, 2009 - Delisted
Nov 22, 2008 - Price Changed
Oct 20, 2008 - Listed
Oct 13, 2007 - Delisted
Sep 27, 2007 - Price Changed
Jul 14, 2007 - Listed
Jun 14, 2007 - Delisted
Feb 01, 2007 - Delisted
Jan 12, 2007 - Listed
Aug 08, 2006 - Listed
Jun 29, 2006 - Delisted
Mar 20, 2006 - Listed
Mar 17, 2006 - Delisted
Oct 05, 2005 - Listed
Sep 21, 2005 - Delisted
Jun 20, 2005 - Listed
Jun 18, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 05, 2005 - Delisted
Apr 01, 2005 - Listed
Feb 07, 2005 - Listed
Feb 01, 2005 - Delisted
Nov 17, 2004 - Listed
Nov 10, 2004 - Delisted
Aug 13, 2004 - Listed
Aug 04, 2004 - Delisted
May 25, 2004 - Listed
Nov 02, 1999 - Sold $777,500

They have been trying to sell this joint, off and on, since 2004.

2004!

The sheer level of denial is fascinating.

"Well gee, Carol. I don't know what more we can do. We got designers from Disneyland's Haunted Mansion to stage it, took 11 whole pictures, and hired a realtor who hasn't quite mastered the English language...why hasn't it sold?"

"I don't know, Phil. Do you think maybe we're asking too much money?"

"Don't be a fucking idiot, Carol. $3 million for a place with this much 'charachter' is a goddamn steal!"

This has to be the dumbest son of a bitch I've ever featured on this blog. Just utterly stupid and delusional beyond comprehension.

A further look into the history and we see that Captain Nutjob here purchased in 1999 for a mere $777,500. $190 per square foot is a pretty damn good deal considering the location.

And now, a decade later, he's demanding a whopping TWO MILLION DOLLAR premium?! For that kind of appreciation you would expect some extensive renovations and improvements, right?



WRONG.

Is this a fucking joke?

How is this even a real listing? And how can the agent take herself seriously after standing behind her client's bullshit wishing price? Isn't she positively mortified talking to potential buyers?

She must dread the moment during every tour when buyers ask, "So, what's the most recent listing price?"

I imagine her gulping and having the same familiar internal dialogue to steel herself:

"Crap, here we go. Come on, keep a straight face. You can do this. Remember, they're not laughing at you. They're just not savvy. Yeah, it's them. Not you. You're great at what you do. You are. And after 2,000 days on the market, $2.8 million makes perfect sense. Sell it, girl! You can do this...well, you have to do this. You ate the last Top Ramen this morning."

This listing price of $2,799,999 has to be a mistake. It just has to be. If not, then someone needs to explain to me why this cobwebbed piece of shit is one of the most expensive listings in the entire city of Long Beach.

The funniest thing about this dilapidated dump is the listing mentions "room for a pool." For $2.8 million clams, there better be an Olympic pool staffed 24 hours a day by Rachel Bilson, Natalie Portman, and Marisa Miller...and their twins.

And, if you're a longtime reader I'm sure you noticed there are no photos of the kitchen or any of the four bathrooms. And as a longtime reader I'm sure you know what that means: The kitchen and bathrooms are complete disasters that need to be gutted immediately.

That's right: A 2.8 million dollar fixer-upper.

Any sane person, before dropping $2.8 mil on this vomitorium, would save themselves a cool mil and buy this bad boy:


But maybe those with $700,000 to put down and an eagerness to pay a $15,000 monthly nut would comparison shop and look at sold comps. And they might notice this amazing property that just sold in Naples for $2.9 million:


Our seller really believes his flea-infested stink bomb can compete with that house?

REALLY?!

Mike in LBC sent a link to a LBPOST article citing that ridiculous Trulia/RealtyTrac survey that claims "six in 10 people would not walk away from their mortgage no matter of how far underwater they are." In the comments I posited that without asking the respondents "Do you believe you are currently underwater?" the findings are utterly worthless.

The reason? BECAUSE MOST SELLERS -- INCLUDING THIS NUMBSKULL -- ARE COMPLETELY OUT TO LUNCH WHEN IT COMES TO PERCEPTIONS OF WHAT THEIR PROPERTIES ARE "WORTH."

How many properties have you seen featured on this blog where the debtowner is pricing as if the bubble never burst? Countless.

My point is if people aren't aware they are underwater (because they believe their properties are "special," are bubble deniers, or are just plain stupid) then asking them whether they'd walk away is completely, utterly moot.

It's tantamount to asking a 400-pound dude in the middle of gorging himself at Chronic Taco, "Hey pal, would you steal a loaf of bread if you were starving?"

"NOM NOM NOM. No way, dude. NOM NOM NOM."

Well of course not. Because he's not starving and can't picture a day when he would be in that position. But if he was suddenly out of money and had nothing to eat, you'd better believe he'd waddle out of Trader Joe's with some shoplifted rolls stashed in his fat rolls.

Anyhow, I can just picture this brain-damaged imbecile high-fiving himself every morning, congratulating himself on hitting the lottery.

"I'm going to be rich! Any day now a buyer will come by and I'll be rewarded for buying before the bubble. Damn, I'm smart. And special too. Man, I can't wait to collect on my well-deserved bubble riches!"

And I can't wait for the day when he and his realtor realize just how incredibly stupid they've been about the value of this shitty, outdated house and realize just how much money they passed up by sticking to this misguided pricing strategy.

After six years of living in denial, I bet that's gonna hurt.