I Hate to Brick it to You

257 Belmont, 90803
Price: $955,000
Beds: 4
Baths: 3
Sq. Ft.: 2,536
$/Sq. Ft.: $377
Lot Size: 6,150 Sq. Ft.
Year Built: 1931
MLS#: P675017
On Redfin: 227 days
Description: Sophisticated Tudor style 4 bedroom home with 2 1/2 baths, stunning hardwood floors throughout, formal entry, huge living room with gas burning fireplace wood beamed ceiling and corbels, formal dining room, breakfast room with built-ins, original door knobs, wainscoting throughout, 2 downstairs bedroom, inside laundry room, spectacular remodeled upstairs bathroom, large bedrooms, a secret playroom, basement, original kitchen with Wedgewood stove, 2-car garage and more. This property has so much charm and character throughout. A must see for the appreciative Buyer!

See the implication there? If you aren't interested in checking out this place or paying the million-dollar price tag, you're not an "appreciative Buyer" with a capital B.

So why don't you just run along to the welfare line and get some food stamps, ya worthless bum!

This has got to be one of the ugliest houses in the universe. And lucky us, it's right here in Long Beach!

While the exterior is odd (to be generous), the interior has some neat design cues and built-ins. However, when you're talking close to a million clams, it's really quite unimpressive (to everyone but the seller, that is).


The kitchen is absolutely BRUTAL. Don't stare for too long or you'll turn to stone. Or asbestos.

Anyhow, here we are after 227 days on the market with no sale. Por que, cabron?

Well, besides the severe deficit in the looks department and the lack of a discernible yard, there's one obvious reason why buyers--even "appreciative" ones--have flatly rejected this 4 bedroom chimney.

It starts with P and ends with E and isn't PEYOTE. Well, actually, peyote might be involved here, BUT the reason, as usual, is PRICE.

$955,000...227 days...

To borrow a phrase, There's nothing price can't fix.

Wanna see something neat?

Dec 21, 1995 - Sold $350,000

That seems like a pretty good deal for '95, given the location. And a damn cheap payment for the last 14 years! This dude should be nostril-deep in equity. Translation: If he dropped the price to a reasonable level, he would walk away with a trunkload of cash.

How's that price dropping going?

Feb 09, 2009 - Listed $1,095,000
Mar 17, 2009 - Price Changed $995,000
Jun 23, 2009 - Price Changed $955,000

Um.

"Glacially" is a word that comes to mind.

Of course, a glacier wouldn't last long in this house seeing as it's made of brick, has tiny windows, and no air-conditioning.

Maybe he HELOCed himself into the stratosphere, maybe for pride reasons he's resisting "just giving it away," or maybe it's yet another vanity listing and he really has no intention of selling.

Whatever the reason for his steadfast refusal to accept reality, assuming he hasn't refinanced to the high heavens, every single day that goes by without an offer represents another stack of bills he's leaving on the table.

It's over, pal. Cut the price, take the money and count your blessings. Otherwise, this fickle, ruthless market will brick your heart.