Scout's Honor!

Address: 3618 E 7th St., 90804
Asking Price: $595,000
Year Built: 1923
Size: 2 beds, 1 baths, 768 sq. ft.
Purchase price: $155,500
Purchase date: 11/2000
MLS#: P672892
On Redfin: 139 days
Down Payment: $119,000
Monthly Payment: $3,600
Income Requirement: $170,000
Description: Cute little 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom California bungalo with detached one car garage. Mixed use residential and commercial zoned, corner lot.

Price per square foot: $775
Dude, by my estimation you're juuuuuuust about finished with a softball-sized crack rock if you honestly believe this house is worth 600 grand. Really? You're entitled to $404,500 in bubble profits? REALLY?

Don't get out much, do you?

You see, pal, while you've been stuffing your face with mini corn dogs and watching American Idol (wait, that Lambert dude is gay?! GET OUTTA TOWN!), the country you live in has been hit by the worst economic crisis since The Great Depression.

No, seriously!

And I'm not sure if you've looked out your window lately, but your house is sitting on one of the busiest streets in Long Beach.

I swear!

And maybe you're not handy with a measuring tape, but it turns out your house is on a 50'x 45' lot.

For reals!

And by the way, you're asking $595,000 when the total taxable value on this house is only $178,383.

Believe it!

And the average price per square foot of Sold properties in this area is $260, a third of your asking price per square.

Crazy, I know!

And on top of that, if the bubble never occurred and your place appreciated at a generous 4% per year since purchase, it would be worth $221,000 today.

I'm telling ya!

And lastly, the most expensive nearby property is only asking $430,000 and it's a nice, clean, updated property in a highly-desirable area of Belmont Heights!

Scout's honor!

And, I'm not sure if you've been outside lately, but in comparison your house looks like this:

So, the point of all this is that you should raise the price immediately.

The reason nobody has so much as glanced at your house in 139 days is because it's too cheap for a house in such great shape, in such a stellar location, and with so many features worthy of a substantial premium. Buyers are probably assuming something is wrong with it when they see that super low price of $595,000.

It must be so frustrating to be this close to grabbing the bubble profits you're so obviously entitled to (dude, only $404,500 in profits? You deserve so much more for your time and effort), only to have the thousands of rich foreigners coming here to save the housing market think your place is too much of a bargain.

So, I think you should increase the ask by $100,000 immediately to let potential buyers know this place is truly special. After all, how many houses have this kind of access to 7th Street? And by "access" I mean RIGHT THE FUCK ON TOP OF.

Yeah, exactly.

And if in two weeks nobody has bit on your new aksing price, then it's still too cheap and you should raise it another $100k. Afterall, the Super Summer Selling Season is upon us, and you don't want to leave any money on the table do you?