Welcome to the Party, Pal!

Address: 4723 E 3rd. St 90814
Asking Price: $790,000
Year Built: 1950
Size: 2 beds, 2 baths, 1044 sq. ft.
$/Sq. Ft.: $757
Purchase price: $525,000
Purchase date: 2/2004
MLS#: I101516
On Redfin: 20 days
Description: None
Down Payment: $79,000
Monthly Payment: $5,000
Income Requirement: $197,500

No description after three weeks on the market? Really?

Here, I will help the helpless and provide a killer description:

WELL MAINTANED, VINTAGE estate perfect for 1ST time buyers!!!!!! No trendie granitt or stainless stell aplliances—just tile in the LITE N’ BRITE kitchen!!!!!! Rare brazilien bamboo flrs!!!1 ONE BATHROM UPGRATED: but other is “ALL ORIGINAL”! !!1! Start living the Belmont Hites life!!;!

Wow, a hair shy of $800K. That's Orange County money.

Last time I checked 3rd Street is not on the water, so how could this seller possibly justify asking $757 per square foot? Further, how could the realtor allow their client to embarrass themselves with this DUH-lusional wishing price?

Hell, even Zillow.com, which is known for spouting hideously optimistic property values, will give it “only” $572 per square foot.

This just in: YOUR COOKIE TIN IS RIDICULOUSLY OVERPRICED.

Unless he’s planning on cutting 20% off the price (and not this piddly 7% crap they pulled yesterday) there is no way he can compete with other sellers. Nearby houses that are nicer and asking way less money have remained unsold for much longer. Bad News Bears.

Plus, I don’t see any major upgrades (ugh, that kitchen). Sure, they remodeled one bathroom but check out the tiny shower door! Do you just stick one limb in at a time?

The original bathroom (below) is actually kind of cool, but those slat windows--OY! The line between “retro” and “older than dirt” is a subtle one, but ordering only 28 vinyl windows for a 29-window house is a good way to end up in the dirt category.

Speaking of dirt, why no pictures of the backyard? Afterall, that's one of the biggest advantages of owning a detached home instead of a condo. Well, that and avoiding an HOA fine. If the backyard was nice, don't you think they'd include it in the listing photos? Actually, these are the same marketing geniuses that provided no information in the listing description, so who knows. Either way, I'm betting the back yard is a dirt farm.

Wait a minute! I just looked at the overhead map and THERE IS NO BACK YARD!! Dude, this place is a mess.

FYI, this place sold for $367,000 in 2002. That seems a little high even for back then (I wouldn’t be surprised if the upgrades were performed before ‘02. It explains the outdated look of the kitchen and bathroom), but it is right in the heart of a prime neighborhood so a premium is expected.

However, given that a bulk of the properties actually selling these days are at 2003 prices, this has a long way to go before it approaches basic investing principles.

With that said, I think a knife catcher would come in at $525,000 because of the allure of buying at the "2004 price." He'll be underwater immediately, but that's the price I think will attract a buyer.

But remember, before that blade-clapping buyer so fond of terrible ROI (Return On Investment) swoops in, the delusional seller will have to cut an astounding 30% to even entice a sale.

Considering how “special” this house is (isn’t everybody’s?) to earn 50% appreciation during the last four years when most houses selling recently are LOSING money, I doubt the seller and their realtor are level-headed or serious enough to do what it takes to sell.

Greed will rule the day, and this house will sit until that kitchen comes back in style.